WHY IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE WHERE SOCIETY SAYS YOU SHOULD BE

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When I was younger I used to think that I would be married, live in a nice house and have at least one kid by the time I was 20… I am turning 23 in a few months and those are far from reality. 

Sure, I’m in a relationship and live with him, but we live with his grandparents in the basement. We are so grateful for what they have done for us but it’s not really the most ideal situation. We would love to have our own place, renovate it and use that money to get a house closer to our dream home. But financially it’s impossible right now. 

And married and kids?? HA. No way Jose. Not for at least a few more years when we are at a more stable place and have traveled a bit more. 

I’m okay with where I am in my life. I know it’s okay to not be where society says I should be at my age, because who gives a shit? I have a roof over my head, I am never hungry, I am in a loving relationship, I work at a job I love and a part time job to help with a little extra cash, and have the ability to talk to you all through the power of the internet. 

This past year has really opened my eyes to see that it’s okay to not be okay. Whether that be mentally, physically, or financially. There have been many a nights of stressing out and having panic attacks over money, houses, and everything in between. But, there are three questions that have helped me keep level headed when things start to see so far away; things that you can remind yourself of when you start asking… where am I where I want to be in life? 

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Can I make a plan?

Ask yourself where you want to be next year, three years, and ten years. The answer my surprise you. When I sat down to do this little task my mind went completely blank. I had no idea where I wanted to be because my head was full of other peoples fantasies for me, specially where I should be in the eyes of society. I am supposed to be a faithful servant to my community by paying my taxes and working a job that won’t cover most of my bills and debt.

In societies eyes I am supposed to go to college, then get married, pop out a few kids, work full time at one company for the rest of my life, fit into the mold of what a woman should look like, and own tons of shit in order to be happy. Thank you next, society. I will do whatever I please and do it in my own time. I am almost 23 and I am finally am in a comfortable place with myself and knowing I will get to where I want to go, but in my time. Remember it’s okay for the plan to change as you grow into your self no matter what age. 

One year plan: My plan is to work 2 jobs to lessen my finical situation and to be able to start saving for a house. Travel to a few different places with Spencer because we are young and able to do it without having kids or pets to hold us back.

Three year plan: My plan for 26 year old Alyssa is to have our first home owned and renovated and on to our second with not much renovations needed, possibly still in Woodstock but preferably not. I hope to be engaged (hint hint Spencer) or possibly really close to the wedding date. I want to have traveled to three different places, Australia is my top choice next to Santorini, or 1-2 cruises instead.  I will be making money from my blog so I won’t need to work my butt off at 2 jobs so I will be able to have the freedom I crave while still indulging my creative side. 

Ten year plan: I see myself married with 2 kids possible number 3 on the way living in our dream home that Spencer built for us (don’t forget my beauty room babe) and a few pets in the mix as well (kitty and chihuahua??). I will have shifted my blog content to a book for all of you to read but still uploading to the internet via blog or change to youtube. My financial debt will be history and I will stop living pay check to pay check  I also will have met Kalyn Nicholson and Jaclyn Hill in this time and collabed with each, I’m thinking a makeup product with Jaclyn and a fashion item with Kalyn. 

These are obviously bigger life plans I am manifesting for myself, but for smaller goals I write out each step and how attainable they are with a time frame of getting it done. What needs to be done first in order for you to be debt free? Buy that house? Adopt that cat? Move abroad? Write it all down and start planning babe!

Is this what I really want, or is it what I am expected to do? 

Your goals are nobody else’s. Unless they are a joint goal of a house or kids or no kids but you catch my drift. Are you creating your goals based on what you actually want or what you think you want? It took me a long time to come up with what I envisioned my life to be. Obviously it will change because who knows what will happen tomorrow even, but it’s all up to you. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason, people come into and out of our lives for reasons, and you want a specific thing in your life for a reason. Don’t give up on your reasons and keep those dreams and goals alive. 

Who am I trying to impress?

The only person you should be trying to impress is your future self.  All you can do is try and try again. Your 33 and living with a boyfriend/girlfriend and have no clue where your heading but know you want a ring but don’t want kids and he does? Your working a 9-5 job that you absolutely hate and want to quit? You feel the wanderlust call your name? Just do it! Don’t be afraid of the unknown, it will all work out and all make sense one day. It’s time to stop saying but and start saying now.

You got this girl!

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2 thoughts on “WHY IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE WHERE SOCIETY SAYS YOU SHOULD BE

  1. I enjoyed reading this…society starts and ends with you!!! Nobody else. At 23 I was married and one child on the way…it was the toughest time as newlyweds, we were not ready…in retrospective…we would have never been ready. That was 36 years ago…But that is my story…yours is for you to write…seems you are on the right track. Keep up the writing. I look forward to your next.

    Liked by 1 person

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